i am enough: the importance of self-compassion
“If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.”
– Dalai Lama
To truly support our bodies from a place of love, we must practice self-compassion everyday.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve thought to myself:
“Everyone experiences exhaustion and pushes through it, you should too.”
or
“Don’t be that flake who cancels on plans for the second night in a row.”
Let’s talk about what good actually comes from these thoughts. You might say they’re words of encouragement, and it’s important to honor commitments and show up for others. Once upon a time, I would have agreed with you. Today, I recognize these words as a language of comparison and shame.
If I consider myself pathetic or weak for succumbing to a flare of symptoms, it becomes almost impossible to cultivate the resilience I need to deal with the flares that my chronic illness will cause. While I can’t control the frequency or duration of my flares, or even how others may react and respond to my illness, I can control my inner monologue in response to my circumstances. The words we choose in that inner monologue matter a great deal because they set the tone for how we shape the story of our lives, both for others and for ourselves. How we talk to ourselves goes hand in hand with the way we view our character, and how we view our character goes hand in hand with how we motivate ourselves.
Some of us seem to be naturally hard on ourselves. Adding a chronic illness to the lineup of disappointments often leads to frustrations with our bodies. They seemingly disappoint and defy us, holding us back from what we want to accomplish. But let’s look at it this way: If you were forced to live with an annoying roommate, you’d probably still try your hardest to get along with them, right? Similarly, wouldn’t it be in your best interest to get along with the chronic illness that lives in your body and shows up almost everyday? On the days when you’re having a flare of symptoms, why not tell your body (aka your roommate), "I want to be your friend. I love and appreciate you so much. How can I help support you today?" Because the truth of the matter is your body is working as hard as possible to take care of you.
Recently, I listened to Episode #186 of That’s so Retrograde with Nichole Sachs. She, too, spoke about the importance of telling our bodies (ideally, our autonomic nervous system) that we’re okay. The best way to do this is to support and speak to our bodies from a place of love, rather than fear. For instance, sometimes I feel anxious before traveling because I can’t predict how the physical stress and fatigue will affect my body.
Instead of worrying about all the things that could go wrong, I remind myself, “however this goes, I’m okay with it.”
If I need a couple of days to rest once I arrive at my destination, so be it. If I’m too weak to make it to dinner with friends, so be it. If I’m having a day of pain, so be it, because I know tomorrow is another day. In that moment or during that day, I may not be great, but I’m okay enough.
My heart breaks for anyone who suffers. I feel their pain because I’ve been where they are, which makes it easy for me to provide words of love and support for them. Yet, I can only occasionally offer the same kind words to myself. Usually, when I give the elevator pitch of my health complications, the eyes of the listener widen in sympathy. They usually say something along the lines of, “wow, I can’t believe you’ve been through so much” or “but you seem so optimistic!” It used to be only in these moments that I thought to myself, “wow, they’re right, I have been through a lot.” But it shouldn’t take the compassion extended from someone else to trigger that same sentiment towards myself, right? Nor should I only treat myself with kindness during certain circumstances that cause excessive strain on my body, right?
Right.
To truly support our bodies from a place of love, we must practice self-compassion each and everyday.
Better yet, we must make self-compassion a way of being so that on the days when we struggle the most, we know how to accept, love, and motivate ourselves. So that we can look into the mirror and say to ourselves, “I’m here for you."